Office-Bob Archives: February 2003




Yet another reason I should not be in the ad biz

My twisted sense of humour has struck again, and on the same forum I originally posted my semi-infamous talcum powder "ad."

This time it was a thread where we've been discussing the TV show 24 , and being a bunch of geeks we started talking about how some of the characters use Macs and others use PCs and if you can tell who's good or bad based on their computer platform.

Someone mentioned that in the latest episode one of the characters opened a Mac tower to remove the hard drive, and the conversation moved toward the whole "ease of use" I figured that it was the perfect opportunity for some creativity.

I posted that I had obtained a leaked copy of a new "Switch" ad that Apple was planning to air on next week's episode; here's what I wrote:


When I got involved with Sayed Ali and his plan to blow up a nuclear bomb in LA, I had to start thinking about all kinds of possible situations, including removing sensitive data from my fiancée's computer.

Have you looked inside a Windows PC lately? I mean, it's hard to get the case open, there are so many screws holding everything together, and when you're trying to yank out the hard drive before someone finds out you've killed three people, every second counts.
So I convinced my dad to buy Macs for his office.

Now, whenever I have to get rid of incriminating information it's easyI just pop open the side panel, and in less than 15 seconds I've got the hard drive out and ready to go ­ with a Windows system I'd have to take the entire mounting bracket assembly, which wouldn't leave enough room in my purse to hide my gun and silencer!

My name is Marie Warner, and I'm a terrorist.

Stone Age, Bronze Age, Iron Age, Old Age...

I've been feeling a bit old lately.

I'm not depressed, contemplating my mortality, or any of the typical things that one is supposed to do at certain points in their life, but I've noticed a few things that just reinforce the fact that time marches on and none of us is getting any younger:

1) More and more, people are calling me "Sir." I just don't feel like a "Sir."
2) Related to #1, I still can't get used to being addressed as "Mr.;" that's my dad, not me.
3) a couple of years ago, I actually found myself saying to a co-worker, "When I was your age, we didn't have ..." (The conversation was about Stuffed Crust pizza, if you must know)
4) The most telling indicator of age started appearing oh, I can't remember how long ago -- I was buying underwear and I found myself thinking, "You know, I wish I was still getting underwear and socks for Christmas and birthdays like I did when I was a kid; these things are expensive! "

Age is, in the end, a matter of perspective -- I've earned my gray hairs and creaky joints, and what I lack in speed and stamina I can make up for with intelligence and experience. As long as I can look back on the passing years with minimal regrets, everything is just fine.

Employment or toilet, the job isn't finished until the paperwork is done

Since September of last year, I've been the acting lead of a new online group at the game developer I work for and in addition to all of the challenges that come with a new job, I was faced with one that was pretty well beyond my ability to do anything about:
The dreaded Machinery of Bureaucracy.

It's not fun to be doing a job when not only is your group not officially recognized, but you can't even refer to yourself by your job title (I'm not kidding, our HR dept. freaked out when I put "lead" in my e-mail signature). My boss was as helpful and supportive as she could be, but even she was unable to make the red tape disappear.

We were hoping for a resolution to the situation by early December...

Then by late December...


Then by early January...

At this point, I was seriously believing that nothing would change until April, when we start a new fiscal year ­ but Fate decided to throw me a curve and I was informed that HR had the paperwork in hand and that it was just a matter of getting it all signed off.

One week later, nothing.

Finally, last week, I got the good news that everything was signed off and I was officially promoted to Lead, but for some reason I was strangely unexcited about it -- then I realized why:

Do you remember being a kid and waiting for Christmas to come, only to find that after everything was unwrapped and you'd played a while with the toys you'd begged for, they didn't seem as much fun anymore? Well, that's how I felt once my promotion was approved.

Don't get me wrong ­ I'm glad the uncertainty is finally over, and the raise I'm getting is welcome too, but at the end of the day I'm doing the same work that I've been doing all these months, and the only physical evidence will be new business cards and a company Amex (which I can only use for certain things that are clearly defined in the Finance Handbook). I know I should be bouncing off the walls screaming in joybut I'm not.

Maybe things will change once I get my new cards (I'm remembering the TV ad where the guy does a major sniffing job on his new business cards), but right now I'm too damned busy learning the job to savor the feeling. I did scan my promotion letter so I have an archive file, but I haven't decided yet if I'm going to use it for my desktop wallpaper.