OFFICE-BOB.COM

Hi there, long time no see!

How y’all doing? Keeping busy? Staying safe? Managing to refrain from killing your spouse/SO after being cooped up inside with them for what seems like an eternity?

It’s been a bit of a ride here but we’ve weathered the storm and come through it in decent enough shape. Sure, there were some tight spots when I wasn’t working but fortunately my wife was able to work from home, so while income was reduced it wasn’t eliminated.

As you may have surmised, since public events were cancelled due to COVID I didn’t have much occasion to shoot pyro – no concerts, no fireworks displays, and I had to wait until the initial lockdowns were over to get back on set and get back into doing FX and pyro. I did manage to pick up a gig at the PNE last summer which helped take the edge off my cravings for stuff that makes noise and shoots fire into the sky (literally; one of the things I was doing was setting off some freakin’ HUGE propane fireballs on top of towers set on either side of the PNE Amphitheatre stage) but otherwise, BOOOOOOORING.

All current indicators are that 2022 should allow me to shoot some shows, though there won’t be a Canada Day show in Vancouver this year (boo!). Celebration of Light, while being promoted on the event website, hasn’t locked down the specifics yet (though I’ve been told I have a spot on the crew if it does go forward [yay!]), and the odds are good that I’ll be able to put on my Halloween show for a local school…which means I should really get started on designing the damned thing (I have two shows worth of music edited together already, so thank Dog that part of the process is finished). Not sure yet if I’ll be offered gigs at PNE and FVDED, so we shall see how that goes.

I was offered a local license gig for Slipknot, but as the show is on Easter Sunday and I’ve already committed to attending Norwescon in person that weekend, I had to turn it down.

I’ve taken advantage of loosened restrictions when possible; I visited my parents for American Thanksgiving which was nice, even though I had to perform a nasal swab for a molecular test via teleconference so I could get back into Canada without quarantine…

…And then, over Christmas, I came down with COVID.

I wasn’t sure it was COVID at first because all of the symptoms made it seem to be your average winter cold, but I had a spare rapid test lying around (this was before tests were being made available to the public; I’d bought them for my cross-border trips) so I took it, and – uh-oh.

This was on the 25th, so Merry Fucking COVID Christmas. Fortunately, we had no plans outside the house so there were no last minute schedule disruptions.

I let my wife know and booked us spots at the local drive-thru test centre on the 27th for PCR testing, which also came back positive for both of us. As I was still on holiday break from the show I’d been working on, and my wife was WFH, isolation wasn’t a problem.

Neither of us had any complications, probably due to both of us having had both vaccine doses already*. I’d gotten my booster a week before so it hadn’t reached full effectiveness at that point, and she hadn’t yet gotten her booster, but I have friends who got COVID before the vaccines were available so I know how bad it could be even if it wasn’t fatal.

Side note: Last week, one of my online friends passed away from a pulmonary embolism related to long COVID. I’m sorry we never met in meatspace, H, but I know you were a wonderful person and the world is a lesser place without you in it.

While I would never recommend coming down with COVID, there were some benefits:

One of the best things to happen during these “unprecedented times” (are you as sick of that phrase as I am? Of course you are, which is why I used it) is that I was given the rare opportunity to present the display fireworks course to someone who’s visually-impaired. I know it sounds crazy, but I’ll explain in an upcoming blog entry. Until then remember to wash your hands, wear a mask as needed, get vaccinated and boosted when you can, and help others in need.

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Last weekend I traveled to Quadra Island to teach a display fireworks course and while the course itself went well by every metric - including the most important metric to me, that all 19 attendees passed - the trip itself was not without incident.

I was already scheduled to teach a course in Maple Ridge, and in an effort to get additional attendees (we’re always looking for new fireworks crew, especially going into the summer when most of the displays happen) I’d posted notifications on my social media accounts. Shortly after posting the news on Facebook, a fellow pyro who lives on Quadra asked if I’d be willing to come up there to do a course. I replied that I’d be happy to and that she should talk to the office manager of the company I teach for - once they got the details worked out, I would make the trip.

Little did I expect that things would move swiftly enough that I’d be heading up there the week after doing the Maple Ridge course, but that’s life for you…sometimes, things just happen faster than one expects. Shortly after the Facebook exchange the emails started flowing back and forth and suddenly it’s okay, it would seem that I’m making a road trip.

Before I go into the details, I’ll explain the steps involved in getting from where I live to there I needed to be…

Working on the assumption that there’s at least one of you out there who doesn’t know what’s involved in getting from the Metro Vancouver area to Quadra Island, I’ll give you a quick lesson in travel logistics: you take a ferry to Vancouver Island (West Vancouver to Nanaimo, in this case) and then drive to Campbell River…from there, you take a ferry to Quadra Island. This sounds simple enough, and it is, but when it takes almost 45 minutes to get from home to the ferry terminal and the first ferry trip takes close to 2 hours and then you have to add another 90 minute drive after that, it can take the better part of the day to get from home to your home away from home. Since the course was scheduled for 10 am on Sunday morning, the plan was to leave Saturday morning and spend Saturday night on Quadra, run the course on Sunday, stay Sunday night and then head back home on Monday.

Since my travel expenses, including lodging, were covered through the course registration fees, I arranged to spend Sunday night with friends who live on Vancouver Island, thus saving the expense of a second night on Quadra. Since most of Saturday was going to be spent traveling, and since I had to deal with two sets of ferry schedules, I decided to splurge on a confirmed reservation for the first leg of the trip and not claim it on my expenses…I’m a nice guy that way.

Packing for the trip was easy enough; an overnight bag with the essentials including a company-logoed shirt to wear while teaching the course…and yes, mom, I did take clean underwear. All of the materials needed to run the course - inert shells, mortar tubes, exams sheets and the various cables needed to connect my laptop to the on-site projector - were already gathered together in a storage box so all I needed to do was toss everything in my car, along with my laptop bag, and hit the road. Easy peasy, right?

It wasn’t until I was over on Vancouver Island and well on my way to Campbell River that a nagging doubt pushed its way to the front of my mind: Did I actually put my overnight bag in the car?

I decided to not worry about pulling over to check for my bag and wait until I got to Campbell River ferry terminal - after all, I knew that I had all of the items needed to run the course, and it was far too late to return home and retrieve the bag so when I found it if it was there or not would not make a difference in the overall scope of things.

I was now the not-so-proud owner of Schroedinger’s Suitcase; a piece of luggage that existed in a quantum state of both being in my car and not being in my car until I actually looked for it. Isn’t science fun?

I got to Campbell River and was heading to the ferry terminal, but it seemed to me that I’d missed a final turn as I stopped seeing signs for the ferry so I used the hands-free feature on my phone to do a search for the ferry terminal…and I knew something was horribly wrong when it told me that it’d take me over an hour to get there. Whisky Tango Foxtrot???

TRAVEL TIP: When you’re asking for directions to a ferry terminal don’t ask for the destination terminal (Quadra Island), ask for the departure terminal (Campbell River). Once I realized my mistake I asked for the correct terminal and the nav app was all, “Oh, yeah, it’s just a few minutes heading back the way you came, you missed a turnoff.”

I made it to the ferry terminal, bought my ticket, and once I was in the lineup I checked for my travel bag - as I expected, it wasn’t there. Farewell, Schroedinger’s Suitcase, we might or might not have hardly known ye.

The ferry to Quadra Island was pleasant and uneventful; I made it to the course venue where I was to meet my friend (she works at a hotel on the island) and since I had no change of clothing I bought a souvenir t-shirt in the gift shop - after all, the least I can do is wear a clean shirt while I’m teaching even if it’s not a pyro company shirt.

My lodging for the night was at the home of another pyro who happens to be the father of the person who arranged for me to do the course; I was given directions on how to get to his house, along with directions to the local convenience store so I could pick up some toiletries, and I was on my way.

The three of us had dinner together that night, I was able to check out the conference room where the course would be held, and that was that for Saturday.

On Sunday morning I was left to my own devices before my pre-course breakfast at the hotel as my host volunteers to mow the greens at the local golf course on Sundays. I decided it would be a good thing to take a shower and since his tub was one of the free-standing types with claw feet and a shower curtain running completely around it, I wanted to make sure I didn’t get water all over the floor so I decided to tilt the shower head down a little bit.

Imagine my surprise when the entire shower head snapped off because it wasn’t designed to move.

Well, shit.

I finished washing up and left the shower head in the tub; the question now was not whether or not I’d confess to the deed (even if I had been the type of person to try and avoid taking responsibility for my actions there was no way in Hell that I could hide this; that shower head had been brazed onto its attachment fitting so there was no quick and easy fix) but how my host would find out? I knew he would be sitting in on the course so the following scenarios popped into my head:

1) He comes to the course directly from the golf course and I tell him what happened, offering (of course!) to pay to replace the shower head.

2) He comes home before the course to clean up and finds the shower head in the tub and I tell him about it when he arrives at the course, offering (of course!) to replace the shower head.

I won’t keep you in suspense, Scenario Number Two was what went down. Fortunately he wasn’t upset and wasn’t worried about being reimbursed for the cost of a new shower head.

That was the last thing to go wrong during the trip, thank Dog.

Once the course was finished I got on the ferry back to Vancouver Island, made it to my friends’ house in time for dinner, spent Sunday night with them, and made it back home on Monday afternoon.

My overnight bag was at home, right where I’d left it, so I unpacked it and put everything away.

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Sorry for the looooooooong time between entries…it’s not because I don’t love you (okay, some of you I like but don’t love, and others I perhaps love too much) but things have just been cruising at a relatively normal pace so I haven’t had much to say until now.

Here’s a catchup post for those of you in the cheap seats:

I’m now in the process of prepping to teach a Special Effects Pyrotechnics course on March 17th and then, during the Easter long weekend, I will be attending Norwescon 39 and taking part of the Hellbender Filmmaking Workshop along with the usual suspects and a couple of new partners in crime.If you’re at the con please track me down and say hello and I’ll give you a special badge ribbon (limited quantity)!

That’s all for now; I will try to write more often but don’t hold your breath (unless you’re into that sort of thing - but remember to auto-asphyxiate responsibly).

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You’ve probably heard of the saying, “Those who can’t do, teach?” Well, you’d better hope that isn’t the case because as of this year I am now certified by the Explosives Regulatory Division (ERD) of Natural Resources Canada (NRC) to teach the Display Fireworks and Special Effects Pyrotechnics courses as part of the national licensing program.

There have been a number of changes to the licensing program over the years, so I should explain what the program used to be and what it is now…

When I first took the Display Supervisor course the process went as follows: you spent the first half of the day in the classroom learning the theory (including things like safety distances and such) and then you’d go out into the field for a practical demonstration where students would be shown how to load display shells into mortars (the tubes from which fireworks are launched) and would get to light the fuse and send a shell into the sky. Assuming you did everything right and passed the class, you were issued a Level 1* Display Supervisor license and were automatically allowed to purchase certain product and fire Level 1 shows. Once you’d had a certain number of shows under your belt and were able to provide letters of reference showing you’d gained additional experience, you were able to apply to upgrade your license to Level 2.

The ERD overhauled the licensing system a while ago and decided that instead of allowing a complete newbie to run their own show, which might not be the best idea, they’d change the licensing program to something more graduated - so instead of being able to run a show as soon as you received your license, they changed to a graduated system where you first work as a Display Assistant for a number of shows - then, once you’ve gained experience (and letters of reference from show supervisors you’ve worked for), you can apply for your Display Supervisor license. This license is the same as the old Level 1 but under the new program they’ve broken down the additional operator capabilities into a set of endorsements as follows:
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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s a safe bet that anyone who talks about “the glamour of the movie industry” has never actually worked in it.

I recently worked two nights on an upcoming TV show which, because of an NDA that I had to sign, I won’t go into detail about because I’m not sure if my own personal blog falls within their definition of “social media.” Here’s how each day went:

DAY 1 - call time 3:00 pm, wrap at 4:48 am the next morning.

DAY 2 - call time 3:30 pm, wrap at 6:00 am the next morning.

Considering that the money one makes on a union production is pretty damned good, especially when you factor in regular rate, overtime, double OT and meal penalties*, all things considered I’d still rather work on fireworks displays or do live theatre. Why, you ask? Well, because:
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It has been a while since I’ve posted anything, for which I apologize. Life has been in a state of flux and thinking of witty things to say hasn’t exactly been high on my to-do list, but from now on I am going to try and be more regular than a well-fibered colon.

I’m still not working on a full-time basis and while that’s allowed me to take on more pyro and FX work, this whole “not having a steady paycheque” thing is getting old and I’d be happy to get back to the daily grind of sitting at a desk slaving away for a regular wage….oh my dog, did I just write that?

I don’t know what’s worse - dealing with job applications where you don’t ever hear back or dealing with recruiters who tell you they’ve got the perfect position for you but they never call you back after you start dealing with them; of the two I’d say the recruiters are the worst but of course that’s just my opinion.

Okay, that’s enough of a pity party for now.

As I mentioned earlier I’ve been able to engage in more pyro and FX work these days, including three TV shows and a TV movie, as well as a number of fireworks displays which not only included the usual suspects of Canada Day and Celebration of Light, but the Port Moody Centennial and last year’s Port Moody Days…though that had the downside of having to set up my firing control panel next to the stage where an ABBA tribute band was playing. The group was great, it’s just that I’ve never really been an ABBA fan.

I’ve also worked a few BC Lions home games and was part of the Grey Cup 2014 FX crew, and I got to be the “local license” for Motley Crue when they came to Vancouver. Other pyro gigs included a wedding, a city hall opening, a casino opening, a couple of “private” displays (so called because they’re not advertised, but as you can guess once the first shell goes off it’s difficult to keep them a secret) and a New Year’s Eve show for a client who was so secretive, the only person who knew who was paying for it was the guy in charge - and he had to sign an NDA and couldn’t even tell the rest of us. I also did some consulting work on a few plays and made some breakaway vases for another play.

Next week I head to Lake Havasu City, AZ for Western Winter Blast. there are a few seminars that look interesting this year, especially one on gas mines, and I’m hoping to come away with some new knowledge that I can put to use soon.

2015 should be interesting because I am now officially certified by the Explosives Regulatory Division as a pyrotechnics instructor and I will be teaching my first course in March. It’s being held in a town that’s about 4 hours away from here but I guess you have to start somewhere, and I’m hoping to have more courses set up soon in the Metro Vancouver area as there seems to me a lot of interest in becoming licensed. If by some chance you, Dear Reader(s), are in the Vancouver area and are interested in taking either the Display Supervisor or Special Effects Pyrotechnic courses - or both - leave your contact info in the comments and I’ll let you know who you need to contact to express interest.

That’s all for now…Stay Green!

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Now that enough time has elapsed that I feel like an utter jerk for neglecting my blog for so long, it’s time to look back at the past year. With the exception of the startup I’d been with since 2007 apparently going under in December (I say “apparently” because while they’ve gotten rid of everyone who was working there, the site itself is still online for now), it was a pretty good year.

Shows I attended but didn’t work on included John Fogerty, John Prine, Bonnie Raitt, the Chieftains, Don McLean and the Vinyl Café Christmas Concert…and while it wasn’t live I saw the latest “arena tour” of JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR, which has cemented my man crush on Tim Minchin.

All in all, 2012 was a good year. 2013 looks to be okay as well – I already have 3 shows scheduled and I expect at least 3 more - but I guess we’ll see how it turns out.

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Here we are, already most of the way through May, and I’ve once again been remiss in keeping you all up-to-date on my amazing exploits - because y’all live for this stuff, amirite*? Okay, here’s the recap:

- Attended Western Winter Blast again. This year I got to see an oxygen lance in action, up close and personal. Boy, those suckers can burn through rock like nobody’s business. I also managed to get some good wide-angle footage of this year’s public display.

- Did a small show for the World Model UN conference in Vancouver; that one was interesting because we had 5 large 2-driver wheels, and one of them had been put together wrong…the drivers were both pointing in the same direction, which means the wheel wouldn’t have spun. Fortunately I spotted it before the show and we were able to move it into the correct orientation.

- My reality TV debut occurred in May with a show I did last September being included as part of an episode of PYROS. Fortunately there was enough going on elsewhere that my segment was limited to the first 10 minutes and, as a result, I didn’t come off looking too bad at all.

- Rammstein played Rogers Arena recently, and I was the “local license”…I wondered about having an industrial metal band doing a show on Mother’s Day, but the place was packed so I guess they know best. I managed to survive being up front, just outside of the barricades, and while I’m not a fan of that sort of music I have to say the pyro was FANTASTIC - so much so that I didn’t even mind getting sprayed with foam (If you know the group you’ll know which song I’m talking about, and if you don’t you may not want to know). This was also the first time I’d used my new set of custom-fit ear plugs and they did a great job of saving my hearing.

- I have a show in Victoria the first weekend in June, don’t know anything else about that right now.

- I’ve volunteered to crew a show down in Marysville, WA on the June 23rd weekend; since I now have my PGI certification I want to get additional experience working on US shows.

- I’m booked for Canada Day (was booked last July, actually) but still don’t know what show I’m working on - I hope it’s a barge show, but I’ll find out eventually.

- As expected, I’ll be working Celebration of Light again. This will be my 13th year…good thing I’m not superstitious!

After CoL I don’t have anything planned until Halloween, and this year’s show should be fun as I’m upgrading my firing system to include a scriptable remote…I’ll be able to program my show and have it fire without needing to stare at a stopwatch and press buttons.

*Gotta watch out for autocorrects - I almost asked, “emirate?”

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Happy 2012, everyone! Don’t let that whole Mayan calendar thing get you down, ’cause it’s all a bunch of hooey - however, if you’re really looking for a sign of impending doom, consider the fact that Rob Schneider is getting his own TV show.

Sheesh, and I thought reality TV was bad.

Speaking of reality TV, it looks as if I’m going to have to lift my embargo against The Donald and watch Celebrity Apprentice because George Takei is going to be a contestant on the upcoming season. DAMN YOU, TAKEI!

New Year’s Eve was pretty quiet; I haven’t had a NYE fireworks display since the economy tanked, although I almost had an indoor gig this year…they decided against pyro, however, so instead we went out for an early dinner and then I went to watch a show put on by a fellow pyro that I’m sort of mentoring. I loaned him my firing system, though, so I guess that sort of counts as having a show, amirite?

In other pyro-related news:

That’s all for now…I wish each and every one of you a fantastic 2012…

…at least until the Mayans and Rob Schneider are done screwing it up.

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I just did a quick check to see when I last posted something, and holycrapIhaven’tpostedsinceApril?

Wow…I guess I have some catching up to do.

Okay, let me think for a minute…what’s been going on?

In May, I:

In June, I:

In July, I:

In August, I:

In September, I:

This brings me to October, where so far it’s been pretty quiet and I:

That should keep your curiosity sated until after Halloween, when I hope to have more updates.

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