November 2008

Monthly Archive

Do seagulls play the lottery?

Posted by Office-Bob on 24 Nov 2008 | Tagged as: General Craziness

I was driving to work on Monday morning, already at Defcon 3 due to the insanity of a tailgating driver on the Georgia Viaduct, when I heard the van in front of me honk his horn and swerve as much as he was able within the limited confines of the roadway.

I then watched as a seagull ended up underneath the van; I suppose the honking was an effort by the van driver to warn the bird that crossing the road at that particular place and time wasn’t such a great idea.

I fully expected to see the gull meet its maker, but to my amazement it not only managed to avoid being hit by the van’s left rear tire but it popped out from underneath and flew away completely unscathed.

I don’t know if gulls have any concept of Luck but if they do, that particular gull had one hell of a story to tell its flockmates over their morning garbage breakfast.

Popularity: 20% [?]

A new high (?) in understanding obscure in-jokes

Posted by Office-Bob on 18 Nov 2008 | Tagged as: General Craziness

People who know me well can vouch for what seems to be my almost limitless store of trivia, as well as my ability to catch in-jokes that others would miss - however, last week I think I managed to hit a personal best for catching obscure references.

I was watching FRINGE, J.J. Abrams’ new TV series, and in one scene two federal agents were discussing who might have had access to a specific database which allowed the target of a raid to be tipped off. One of the agents said that the only other people beside himself that had access to that database were agents Coscarelli and Scrimm.

When I first heard that I couldn’t believe my ears but thanks to the wonders of DVRs and timeshifting, I bounced back 10 seconds to listen to that line again and sure enough, I’d heard it correctly.

If you get the reference, congratulations. If you don’t, look here.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Miscellaneous ranting

Posted by Office-Bob on 11 Nov 2008 | Tagged as: Rants

Here are a few things on my mind right now:

  • If you’re paranoid enough about germs to use one of those disposable ass-gaskets in a public bathroom, why would you imagine I’d want to sit on the same piece of paper that your ass was perched on? Don’t leave it partially on the toilet seat, be considerate and flush the damned thing when you’re finished.
  • While I have nothing against idle chat with strangers in lineups (I’ve done it myself), pay attention to cues that indicate the person you’re trying to engage in conversation isn’t interested in talking…if you’re too stupid or reckless to do so, don’t be surprised if someone tells you to fuck off when, as they’re leaving the grocery store, you tell them to “Smile, bud!”
  • I don’t give a damn how expensive/new your car is, you’re still required to obey the rules of the road. Don’t think that you’re entitled to be a dick just because you’re overcompensating for the lack of one.
  • I don’t want to hear you complain about problems you’ve had with different relationships or different jobs - take a moment to ask yourself what all of those things have in common? Hint: YOU.
  • Your candidate lost, get over it.
  • If there’s a lineup at the ATM or checkout line, don’t slow things down further by letting your Precious Widdle Snookums punch in the numbers on the keypad - trust me, when it’s the end of a long day and we’re all trying to get home to relax, you’re the only one who thinks it’s cute.
  • Despite what Shepherd Book says, I say that the Special Place in Hell is actually for telemarketers.
  • Speaking of telemarketers - any call that starts with a recording and gives me the “opportunity” to speak to a real live asshole representative will be taken advantage of…and once that waste of genetic material “person” is on the line I’m setting the phone down and letting that poor excuse for metabolism parasite wait on the line until they get fed up and disconnect; you wasted my time with your call so I’m damned well going to do what I can to waste yours because, if it keeps you from calling others for even a little while, I’ll be happy to have helped in my own small way.
  • Attention spammers: Despite what you may think, I am one of the (apparently few) people who will not be tricked into opening emails that are sent “by me.” I am also not fooled by bank security notices, even on those extremely rare occasions that I get one allegedly from a bank that I actually deal with.
  • To my bank (TD Canada Trust): If you want people to report fraud/abuse, please do not make us have to copy and paste the email info into a web form, but rather set up a “abuse” email account where we can forward spam and phishing attempts.
  • Don’t ask me who I’m voting for; it’s none of your business.
  • Why do non-restricted TV stations even bother broadcasting movies like KILL BILL or DIE HARD? I realize that editing out the swearing and violence leaves more room for commercials, but I find it hard to believe the revenue justifies such bowdlerization (then again, I don’t understand the popularity of reality programming so I’m probably giving the TV viewing audience too much credit).
  • I hate having a substitute paper carrier because while the regular carrier puts my paper in my mailbox, the sub never leaves the paper in the same place twice and never in the mailbox.
  • I just realized that I’m channeling Andy Rooney…I guess 49 isn’t too young to be a curmudgeon.
  • Popularity: 48% [?]