Of course, it all makes sense now!
Posted by Office-Bob on 23 Mar 2010 at 07:37 pm | Tagged as: General Craziness, Rants
My Dear Friends:
It is with a heavy heart that I write the words you are reading now, and yet I must write them because you have a right to know the Truth.
A Truth so heinous, so insidious that it strikes at the very fabric of our society.
And to think that I am able to give you this Truth because of a television commercial.
Last night I saw an ad for Verizon, in which a mother was going to let her daughter go off with her friends at the mall; she was comfortable doing this because her smartphone had a program which allowed her to track her daughter’s location through the daughter’s cellphone.
Think about this…the ability to track someone by using one of the modern devices that we have come to rely so heavily upon.
I considered the seriousness of this and felt reassured that, should I desire to avoid being followed as I went about my business, I could simply turn off my phone and remove the battery.
But hold on a minute…there are phones that have the battery installed in such a way that they cannot be removed. That’s right, my friends, I’m talking about Apple’s iPhone.
Now please bear with me here, as this might get a bit confusing, but I promise that when I’m finished, you’ll know the Truth.
What phone carrier offers the iPhone? AT&T.
Who has co-operated in the past with the National Security Agency, allowing the government to have information about their customers? AT&T.
Who’s on Apple’s Board of Directors? Al Gore.
Who do some people claim “invented†the Internet? Al Gore.
What administration is rolling out a National Broadband Plan? The Obama administration.
What political party do Gore and Obama both belong to? The Democratic Party.
Health care reform, also known as “Obamacare,†has recently been signed into law.
Excessive cellphone use has been targeted as a possible cause of brain tumors.
The connection, my friends, is this:
The Democrats can track everyone who uses a cellphone. Sure, we know AT&T is in bed with the Administration, but why should we believe the other telcos are innocent?
If you use an iPhone you can’t remove the battery, which means you can still be tracked, which means that not only will the government know where you are at all times, but when you eventually enter the hospital for treatment of a brain tumor they’ll already have even more information on you because of the mandatory insurance requirements that are part of the health care “reform.â€
If you try to avoid being tracked by turning off your cellphone and removing the battery your chances of developing a brain tumor will be reduced, which means you’ll be less of a burden on the healthcare system. This reduction in medical claims could eventually drive the insurance companies out of business, and if that happens then nobody gets any medical care.
Is this the kind of world you want your children to live in – a world where the choices are to use iPhones in order to be able to have access to a doctor, or else have the freedom to move about as you please but run the risk of not being able to get treatment should you fall ill?
Why haven’t Beck, Limbaugh, Hannity and Coulter picked up on this? Am I the only sane voice out there?
I think Dr. Miles Bennell said it best:
“Listen to me! Please listen! If you don’t, if you won’t, if you fail to understand, then the same incredible terror that’s menacing me WILL STRIKE AT YOU! They’re here already! You’re next! You’re next, You’re next…!â€
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Hahaha…brilliant. You rock, Brian. I’m trying to pry the back off of my iPhone as we speak!
I like your post.
I think as the only “sane” person you should consider breaking out a tinfoil hat to block potential mind probes. Before taking a pretzel maze of weak logic trying to accuse Democrats of invading your privacy, maybe you should think back to the Patriot Act pushed thru by Bush that already gives the government the right to tap your phones, install hidden cameras in your home or do whatever they think is necessary to track you. Why do right wing extremist always have a double standard on everything? Is it because you think you are better than everyone else?
Kent -
I’m not sure how to take your comment; you either believe I’m serious, which says that I should re-evaluate my sarcasm skills (I thought the quote from “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” would have made it obvious), or you are a master of replies and have phrased yours in such a way that it seems as if you only *think* I’m serious.
I shall leave the answer an an exercise for the reader.