You thought I was finished talking about Halloween, didn’t you? Well, I’m not…but not for reasons you might imagine.

Starbucks (aka CoffeeConglomoCorp) came out with a Halloween “Advent calendar” this year; I use the term because it’s the closest I can come to describing it - a candy-filled treat shaped like a haunted house, with little drawers to hold the loot:

When you remove the drawer and reverse it, it changes the overall picture of the house:

When I first got this, I thought it was a great idea but I soon realized that it had its problems:

1) While they got the number of drawers right - 13 - they aren’t numbered, so you don’t know which way to go…bottom to top, or top to bottom - or do you just start opening drawers at random?

2) The drawers were either difficult to remove or they popped out at the slightest tilting; there was no middle ground.

3) The most damning problem with this concept, however, was the candy itself:

They came in two styles: an orange jelly with a sugar ghost decoration, or an orange jelly with a sugar jack ‘o’ lantern decoration.

Fer gossake, Starbucks…where’s the variation? Where’s the surprise? Where’s the chocolate?

At least with your bog-standard Advent calendar you get chocolate (admittedly not Godiva or Callebaut but hey, it’s chocolate) and there are more than two different shapes.

It would appear that the discerning candy connoisseurs that shop at Starbucks -

(insert pause for laughter at such a ludicrous idea)

- agree with me…the haunted houses were originally on sale for $15, but wound up on sale for $5.

Of course, I bought two more.

I think I’ll replace the crappy candy with something decent for friends and family, and use the original dreck as part of next Halloween’s handout to the kiddies…after all, I have a reputation to maintain.

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